Every one at some point in their life has encountered someone who is dominating, overbearing, controlling, pushy and just plain hard to be around. You know– the kind of person that imposes their will on any and everything situation that they are in–they are controlling, condescending, and always right — and it is an honor for you to listen to them and partake of the divine knowledge that they offer. I am talking about bossy people.
Since I am currently dealing with a bossy person, I thought I would share some suggestions on to on how to handle it.
Talk to the person.
Most bossy people have good intentions; they just go about showing them in the wrong way. If you think that they won’t bite off your head, or publicly humiliate you, consider talking to the person, to let them know how you feel. Don’t do it when you’re angry, frustrated, or unhappy–you don’t want your raw emotions to spew unintended vile at them.
Instead, choose a quiet time – when you’re alone, without an audience – to calmly and carefully tell them how you feel in a gentle and non-accusatory way. You may even start by first letting them know the things that they do that you appreciate, and then state that you are happy doing things your own way.
End the conversation positively by saying something like “thanks for listening to me, I appreciate being able to talk to you about this”, or “this wasn’t easy for me, but I’m glad I could share my feelings with you. I’d like us to get along.” Now of course all of this depends on how the conversation went…but even if you don’t resolve the issue, you can still thank the person for “agreeing to disagree.”
Don’t be a pushover
Make it very clear that you have no intentions of changing what you are doing, or how you are doing it. Use statements like, “I understand; however I disagree,” “we sure see it differently,” “looks like we have different opinions,” “my way works for me,” “there’s more than one good way” to let them know that their efforts of controlling you are futile.
Vent your frustrations
Being bossed around can bring up feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety and even loss of self; and the last thing that you want is to internalize those negative feelings and create unnecessary stress in your life; mediate, exercise, affirm yourself, or talk to a family member, close friend or even someone you trust who may also know that person to vent your frustration — chances are others are feeling the same way about that person.
Limit your contact
Sometimes all the good tactics in the world can still leave us feeling like a doormat, and our only option is to distance ourselves from those who are trying to control us. We shouldn’t be afraid to defend ourselves, but unfortunately with people who behave like this, it is not worth the effort.
If the bossy person is someone you see often, but don’t really have to, then limit your contact with him or her. However, if you are in a situation where you have no choice but to see that person often, then consider keeping the relationship on a surface level and just on the tasks on hand. Don’t give the bossy person the ammunition to shoot you down by giving him or her too much information about yourself or expressing your opinions in detail. Ultimately you are the only one that you can control, so take care of yourself.
Image by foxypar
See you in the comments.
No related posts.
| If this article helped you grow, sign up below to get FREE updates. Access to the Personal Growth Toolbox and newsletter included. | |||
|
- Discover Your Life Purpose - Live Fearlessly - Nourish Your Spirit |
|||
Hi, My name is Lisa. I am a mother, girlfriend, blogger, runner and happiness seeker.
I started blogging in March 2010 as a way for me to grow and help others by sharing what I learned.
My personal development journey began about 15 years ago.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
No, you are not the boss of me!
If the above suggestions do not work – do not be afraid to end the relationship and sever all ties.
I’m a firm believer in working on resolving issues, but I also believe that we are given one opportunity to journey through this lifetime and we should do everything in our power to have the kind of experience we desire. Some negative experience, like losing a loved one, is beyond our control but whenever people who are put in our path constantly makes us feel uncomfortable, in any way – we should rid ourselves of them. It is unhealthy for anyone to tolerate this stressful situation – unnecessarily.
http://www.healthylivingnow.org
“If we all treat each other like we treat ourselves – what a wonderful place earth would be.”
Hi Genie,
Thanks for adding that! Absolutely right on. No sense in putting ourselves in situations that cause undue stress. I too am a firm believer in trying to get along, but also in calling it quits when it starts to become unhealthy. Where it becomes challenging for me, is when I have to be around that difficult person for a work, or volunteer situation; and then it is about not allowing that person to affect my sense of self.
By the way, I checked out your website! Lots of great information there.
The key, and the hardest part, I think, is to not take it personally.
Which can be hard when everyone is all stressed out.
Very true. Thank you for mentioning that. When I am stressed and tired, I tend to take things more personally. The important thing is to take care of ourselves so that we don’t get to that point.