Hiss, Don’t Bite: A guide to Keeping Bullies at Bay

Tweet

Bullying can happen, anywhere, anytime, to anyone. It is not dependent on age, status, race or gender. Bullying is the act of trying to control another person through mental or physical intimidation. Because of the intimidation factor of bullying, dealing with bully can be very difficult; especially for those who avoid confrontation at all costs and are eager to please.

When you don’t stand up to a bully, you are not standing up for yourself, nor are you standing up for others who may be getting bullied by the same person. You are also doing a disservice to the bully by not reinforcing to him or her that their behavior is wrong and won’t be accepted.

Aggressive vs assertive

You do not need to be aggressive to stand up for yourself, being assertive will work just fine. There is a difference between being aggressive and assertive. Aggressiveness always alienates people. Assertiveness can bring them together; however, a lot of times people won’t be assertive because they are afraid that standing up for themselves will make a small problem large. But asserting yourself isn’t scratching out the other person’s eyeballs (although you may feel like doing that), asserting yourself is calmly letting them know that you will not tolerate the way they have been treating you. This can best be illustrated through the story of the young snake and his Buddhist teacher.

Assert yourself

Once upon a time there was a young snake who wanted to become a Buddhist. He had experienced a lot of inner turmoil in his life and felt that this was the way to set himself free. And so he made the long crawl from his valley below to the highest mountain in the village to the monastery to receive his Buddhist vows. The holy snake made it very clear to him that part of being a Buddhist meant that he was not allowed to bite anyone.

Excited to tell his family about his quest, the young snake slithered back towards the valley when came upon a group of kids playing. Hi there he shouted to the group. It is nice to see you out playing. Don’t talk to us you fake snake, one of the kids yelled back. Surprised by the response, the young snake said “Hi there” again. You are nothing but an over-sized worm; A slimy creep of a critter, another kid yelled back. I bet you don’t even have fangs. The young snake, now being a Buddhist snake just lay there and took the insults.

The kids, seeing that the snake was not fighting back, began to throw stones at him. One rock, two rocks, three rocks… Ouch, the snake cried as he seethed with anger. Oooooh, I wish I could bite just one of these kids. I would show them who I really am. I will show them that I have fangs.

Eventually the kids tired and left and the young snake began to make his way back to the monastery. He was determined to be relieved of the impossible vows the Holy snake had bestowed upon him.

From a distance the holy snake could see the young snake’s bloodied and bruised body slithering down the path. What happened, shouted the holy snake. The young snake replied. It is your fault. Those vows that you gave me did all of this. You can’t keep those vows out in the real world. It is impossible. You might be able to keep them in a monastery surrounded by others who ascribe to the same principles, but not out in the real world. Look at what is has gotten me.

Hiss, don’t bite

People are cruel. People are mean. They insult and throw rocks at you. I am not a doormat. I am not a punching bag. And I am not going to be treated like one. Why don’t YOU get out there and try to live by those vows, Mr. Holy Snake! The Holy snake replied, why did you let them do that?  I told you not to kill people. I told you not bite people. But never did I say that you couldn’t hiss at them, you fool. Go back to the valley and this time if anyone taunts and teases you, hiss at them. That’s all it takes to stand up for yourself.

Real world application

Let’s say your manager, or someone else in your office is treating you very much like the kids were treating the young snake. They are continually spreading untruths about you or harming you in some way and you are not sure what to do about it. If you take it, there is a good chance that you will become increasingly unhappy, only to eventually leave or be terminated from your job. If you act aggressively towards your taunters, you will surely lose your job.

But there is another option; if you choose to assertively stand up for yourself and confront your taunter or report them, not only could your situation change, but you will also be standing up for others who may also be being treated the way that you are. And the thing is, it doesn’t end there; in a weird and twisted way, you will also standing up for your boss. By letting him know that there is something he is doing wrong, you are doing him a favor.

So the next time you are in a situation that you don’t like, hiss, don’t bite. :-)

Photo credit

Tweet

No related posts.